Just have a little sum up of this month and also celebrate I was successfully to overcome something.
Today, I just got the result of my last assignment. Wow. I got the highest mark among the classmates. Once again... I just don't know why I didn't work harder when I was at my "student era". I am not to be too proud of myself but to say... it is never too late to do something but have to see if it is worth to waste all your youth for something unnecessary.
Good news is...
In past 8-10 months, I had been suffered from losing faith and the hope of life or the way of being. I am not sure why it would come across my life in this age but one thing is I can only tell you I had really really hard time in my life to spend every single moment in silence. Terrible to spend a night with terrible insomnia. It was harder than the time I was addicted to philosophical thinking (not so serious). One thing I still remember is I really enjoyed to think of all these questions or statements. I can spend a whole day after reading a little sentence or proposition from Kant's book or one's novel.
I had never understood the fear would really come into my life and made such a serious impact to make me losing appetite and losing hope or nothing can motive me to do anything. Life started to be so negative in a really dangerous way. I couldn't believe how long I can stand and especially lose hope of humanity.
Anyway, the whole thing started getting better. Of course, fear just always comes out in the middle of the night with unnecessary thought and nightmare. I just tell myself all of them are unnecessary and at least I can do something to fill up all my time or the space in my mind and just like everyone does. Sometime I believe it is the reason way some people can be so optimistic. Yes, to fill up your time with something else and just make the time to be useful. (so-called)
So I started to be more productive - working hard on homework, reading some new books or old books. Just make myself tired and no time for thinking anymore. That just shows how weak and chicken I am. Whatever... It is better than letting all those fear flowing in your blood.
So... keep reading and that's all in this moment to make me feel better.
Today, I just got the result of my last assignment. Wow. I got the highest mark among the classmates. Once again... I just don't know why I didn't work harder when I was at my "student era". I am not to be too proud of myself but to say... it is never too late to do something but have to see if it is worth to waste all your youth for something unnecessary.
Good news is...
In past 8-10 months, I had been suffered from losing faith and the hope of life or the way of being. I am not sure why it would come across my life in this age but one thing is I can only tell you I had really really hard time in my life to spend every single moment in silence. Terrible to spend a night with terrible insomnia. It was harder than the time I was addicted to philosophical thinking (not so serious). One thing I still remember is I really enjoyed to think of all these questions or statements. I can spend a whole day after reading a little sentence or proposition from Kant's book or one's novel.
I had never understood the fear would really come into my life and made such a serious impact to make me losing appetite and losing hope or nothing can motive me to do anything. Life started to be so negative in a really dangerous way. I couldn't believe how long I can stand and especially lose hope of humanity.
Anyway, the whole thing started getting better. Of course, fear just always comes out in the middle of the night with unnecessary thought and nightmare. I just tell myself all of them are unnecessary and at least I can do something to fill up all my time or the space in my mind and just like everyone does. Sometime I believe it is the reason way some people can be so optimistic. Yes, to fill up your time with something else and just make the time to be useful. (so-called)
So I started to be more productive - working hard on homework, reading some new books or old books. Just make myself tired and no time for thinking anymore. That just shows how weak and chicken I am. Whatever... It is better than letting all those fear flowing in your blood.
So... keep reading and that's all in this moment to make me feel better.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home